Humour OpenSourced!!!

Hello Friends!

Since the day of my inception, I have always felt a great kind of attraction towards the computers. Like the one we find between a proton n a neuteron, or between north n south poles of a magnet, or...hmm...well hold on! I'm falling short of metaphors...But, anyways I have always been kept wondering that computers, which are supposed to do a lot of calculations and processings of raw data, could they ever be linked with humour. You all know how boring those complicated computer codes and programs seem and how boring the programmers talk. Now, being a part of the programmers community,let me bust the myth and opensource the humour which was hidden for so lot many years uner the copyright laws. Here's a collection of a few good sayings(dipped in a lotta humour syrup), by some great men(including me ofcourse), compiled over the period of time. Hope this brings a smile on the faces of all you grave peoples!!!

"Any fool can use a computer. Many do."
(Ted Nelson)

"It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow."
(Craig Bruce)

"If McDonalds were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning, and the response would be, 'We're sorry, here's a coupon for two more.' "
(Mark Minasi)

"Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++?"
(Richard A. O'Keefe)

"Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is."
(Larry Wall)

"Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I think, proper consideration."
(Stan Kelly-Bootle)

"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer programmer."
(Paul Ehrlich)

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
(Bumper sticker)

"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards."
(Gene Spafford)

"Passwords are like underwear: you don't let people see it, you should change it very often, and you shouldn't share it with strangers."
(Chris Pirillo)

"I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an interpreter."
(Nicholas Petreley)

"Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning."
(Rich Cook)

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."

(Pablo Picasso)

"There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works."
(Alan J. Perlis)

"If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in."
(Edsger W. Dijkstra)

"One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that–lacking zero; they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
(Robert Firth)

"It's ridiculous to live 100 years and only be able to remember 30 million bytes. You know, less than a compact disc. The human condition is really becoming more obsolete every minute."
(Marvin Minsky)

"Every operating system out there is about equal… We all suck."
(Microsoft senior vice president Brian Valentine describing the state of the art in OS security, 2003)

"I am not out to destroy Microsoft, that would be a completely unintended side effect."
(Linus Torvalds)

"Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases."
(Norman Augustine)

"Pessimists, we're told, look at a glass containing 50% air and 50% water and see it as half empty. Optimists, in contrast, see it as half full. Engineers, of course, understand the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
(Bob Lewis)

"UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity."
(Dennis Ritchie)

WHY OPENSOURCE!!!

All software has source code. Open source software grants every user access to that code. Freedom means choice. Choice means power.

That's why we believe open source is inevitable. It returns control to the customer. You can see the code, change it, learn from it. Bugs are found and fixed quickly. And when customers are unhappy with one vendor, they can choose another without overhauling their entire infrastructure. No more technology lock-in. No more monopolies.

We believe open source simply creates better software. Everyone collaborates, the best technology wins. Not just within one company, but among an Internet-connected, worldwide community. New ideas and code travel the world in an instant.

As a result, the open source model often builds higher quality, more secure, more easily integrated software. And it does it at a vastly accelerated pace and often at a lower cost.

In the proprietary model, development occurs within one company. Programmers write code, hide it behind binaries, and charge customers to use the software--then charge them more to fix it when it breaks. The problem worsens when you become tied to a company's architecture, protocols, and file formats. Bruce Perens calls this the addiction model of software procurement. And we think a model that puts customers at such a fundamental disadvantage is conceptually broken.

Open source is not nameless, faceless, and it's not charity. Nor is it solely a community effort. What you see today is a technology revolution driven by market demand.

And the revolution is being recognized. Red Hat has teamed up with the Georgia Institute of Technology to look into the causes and the worldwide growth of open source. They created the Open Source Index to better measure its progress.

Imagine if all past knowledge was kept hidden or its use was restricted to only those who are willing to pay for it. Education and research would suffer. Publishing books or sharing information of any sort would become difficult. Yet this is the mentality behind the proprietary software model. In the same way shared knowledge propels the whole of society forward, open technology development can drive innovation for an entire industry.

I am a Muslim!!!

These are disconcerting times.  All is not going well in this erstwhile secular country of ours. Not at least for me coz ‘I am a Muslim’. Yes the same Muslim, whom u see 24 hours on news channels, being the face behind every crime of terror; the Muslim whose terror acts makes it to the headlines of all the national dailies. The picture of a topi-clad, bearded Muslim terrorist has become the wall paper of your lives. The grand stereotyping of Muslims is on the go!

I’ve never in these 21 years, felt any differences with 95% of my friends who are so called ‘non-Muslims’. I always was a part of all there festivities, and so were they. Incidentally A.R. Rahman, Aamir, Saif, Shahrukh, Salman are my favourites. I love Pakistani bands like Junoon, Jal, Strings, Fuzon, Call and listen to Md.Rafi, Ghulam Ali, Mehdi Hassan. Am I being a fundamentalist??? I believe so, as after watching Kay Kay Menon, playing a Hindu Fundamentalist in Mumbai Meri Jaan, saying disgustedly while in a Muslim neighbourhood and listening to a Md. Rafi song: “Yeh log Kishor Kumar kabhi nahi sunenge!” Suddenly I feel ‘Muslim’. It might well be paranoia. But I was not paranoid post 9/11 or even post Gujarat. But something drastically changed now and I cud feel it in my bones.

How easy it is to say as someone said to me after the Delhi blasts: “These are all educated Muslims. Don’t they know that their bombs could also kill their own?” As if anyone with a Muslim name is a terrorist’s very “own”! To feel the brunt of being under suspicion in your own country ain’t that easy.  I’m a Muslim and that isn’t a crime, no not yet!!! 

All hail LENOVO!!!

So finally I got da opportunity which I’d been lukin for since eternity. Woh kahte ha na ki bhagwan ke ghar der hai par andher nahi! So here I am ready to spurt out my frustrations on LENOVO- The India's largest selling notebook computer brand!

For Heavens sake I'm not one of dose LUSERS (what I call the Lenovo users) but i really wanna share da feelings of my frustrated Luser frenz... Aakhir dukh baantne se hi to ghat ta hi hai! Even while I'm writing this post, my eyes r moist wid seeing all kinda pain n sufferings of my neaar n dear frenz...(arre yaar ghariyaali aansoon hain)

Dnt wrry guyz, jst have patience for a year or too... After dat dis junk has to be disposed off anyway. Then go for DELL or even HP, like all the most intelligent, sensible people (ya u r ri8, ppl lyk me ofcourse) on earth do...

 

The 1st one 2 bring dat suckin brand to our grup was da gr8 legend PARTY...got it for 64000 bucks wid all sets of gr8 features lyk 256MB NVIDIA graphics card, face passwrd, shuttle centre, 1 key recovery, TV Tuner Card, water resistant keyboard... n blah blah blah... N if dat wasnt enuff dere were more features on the go lyk:

 no audible sound(silence is golden dear!), a f**ked up sliding DVD R/W drive which neva eva reads a dvd even wid da slightest scratch(has to be changed minm 2 tyms in da guarantee period), a hard hard disk which always needs  to be formatted(dey believe in hygiene, clean harddrive always!)  nd last but not da least that crappy ‘one key recovery’ button, which only makes da lappy go even more damn slow nd system crashes many more tyms...

 

Now wid all dese gr8 features just temme u LUSERS, does LENOVO still sucks???

Arre yaar its wonderful, splendid, awesome... All hail the LENOVO - A gr8 masterpiece indeed...

The saga of Thackeray, Raj!

Yes, we all should support Raj Thackeray and take his initiative ahead by doing more...

We should teach our kids that if he is second in class, don't study harder.. just beat up the student coming first and throw him out of the school. Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in delhi. Prime-minister, president and all other leaders should only be from Delhi. No Hindi movie should be made in Bombay, only Marathi...

At every state border, buses, trains, flights should be stopped and staff changed to local men. All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are SNATCHING employment from Locals...

Lord Shiv, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in our state as they belong to north ( Himalayas ). Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from UP only. Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from centre because that is the money collected as Tax from whole of India , so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra ?

Let's support Kashmiri Militants because they are right in killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community... Let's throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra , why should they earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH Marutis of the world. Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should speak Marathi.We should not allow any industry to be setup in Maharashtra because all machinery comes from outside. We should STOP using local trains... Trains are not manufactured by Marathi manoos and Railway Minister is a Bihari. Ensure that all our children are born, grow, live and die without ever stepping out of Maharasthra, then they will become true Marathis

And Yes Raj  Thackrey should tell Sharmila Thackrey to wear only MARATHA SAREE AND not SALWAR KAMEEZ OR CHURIDAR PAJAMI, as seen on the TV which is worn by Noth Indians and then say "ME MARATHI" 

JAI MAHARASHTRA!

Source: Forwarded e-mail.

File Access Violation!!!

Hello Friends!!!

Welcome to the beta version of this blog. It is in da testing version. And if everythin goes right, the final release would be made soon. 

Till then just keep your fingers crossed!!!